The hardest part of parenting is having good behavior.

I'm not talking about good behavior from my children.

I'm talking about good behavior from myself.

Parenting is HARD. (I'm sure I've said that about 7 billion times on this blog.) And as of late, I know I haven't been doing the best job. That's the thing about being an intentional parent - it's something you constantly have to give your awareness to - and if you're not careful, it's easy to slip back into old ways of being and doing. The last couple of weeks, I have felt my reactions becoming stronger and less controlled. I have noticed myself becoming a reactionary parent instead of an intentional parent. And it's time to reign it back in.

Last night my eldest daughter said that things "weren't fair," and that we "never do anything fun," just before tucking her in the bed. I had heard those same words uttered [what seemed like] a gazillion times that day and this time was the one to break the camel's back. I launched into a lecture - using my very-frustrated-mom-voice - and I was towering over my children as they lay on their beds. I went on and on about all the fun things we do during the day, threatened to do absolutely nothing fun tomorrow to "show them" how not-fun the day the could be, and warned them of how frustrating they were making their mother feel.

Like an out-of-body experience, I watched myself saying these things, and I felt all the anger and frustration boiling inside me, as my children looked at me with expressions of fear and hurt. I absolutely hate these moments. The moments where I see myself spinning out of control - saying or doing things that I don't want to - and becoming exactly the type of parent that I try so hard to avoid.  It's easy to blow up. It's easy to yell, hit, spank, scream, send-away, or retreat. But in these moments, it's not my children whose behavior needs to be fixed. It's my own. 

As my oldest daughter hid under her covers and started crying, I had a chance to model the behavior I wanted - for both my children, and myself. And while humility has never been my strong suit, my daughters needed it from me. In that space of both frustration and hurt feelings, was a chance to connect with them in a real and meaningful way.

So what did I do?

I apologized.

I said I was sorry for saying all those mean and hurtful things. I said sorry for the tone of voice that I used.

I was honest.

I told my daughter that the reason I felt frustrated was because it hurt my feelings to hear her complain about her days. I opened up to her about my desire to be a good mother - that I felt like I was doing my best - and it made me feel uncomfortable and insecure to have her say otherwise.

I asked for her help in fixing the situation.

I asked if there was something bigger bothering her. I asked why she felt the way she did, and if she had any ideas about how we could make her feel better. We talked a bit about how she hasn't had much control about what she does during the day - she often feels like she's being ordered around - and so we came up with a plan to have a "meeting" soon where we could discuss the things she'd like to do, and how she would like the day to go.

I was willing to hear her. 

Whether or not I agree with her, or think that all her ideas are feasible, is not important. What is important is that she feels valued and heard. By being present and listening - really listening - to her, we connected, felt better, and left space for new possibilities to emerge.

When our children are having an experience that we feel is uncalled for, handled incorrectly, or full of bad choices (a.k.a "bad behavior"), we need to take a step back and question what is being triggered in ourselves. My daughter is allowed to feel frustration, boredom, and unhappiness. But instead of giving her the space to experience those emotions and work through them, I took them personally and found my own feelings of inadequacy, and my need to be validated, bubbling to the surface. And in turn, I took it out on her. 

This. This is why parenting is so difficult. Because the true work of parenthood is that we only ask of our children that which we are willing to embody ourselves.

So many times, however, we demand much more from them.

What is discipline? And is it really necessary?

*This is the second post in a series on the book Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. You can find the first post HERE.

I would wager than most parents, when asked, “What is discipline?” would answer something like, “Teaching my child right from wrong,” or “Correcting my child’s behavior.” When parents talk about discipline, most parents are talking about the strategies they use in controlling or manipulating their child’s behavior. And I would also wager that most parents don’t think twice about it.

The word, “discipline,” comes from the Latin word “disciplina,” which means “teaching.” This Latin word referred to education and training, self-control and determination, knowledge in a specific field of study, and/or an orderly way of life. If you Google the definition of the word “discipline,” you’ll see many definitions that refer to self-control, and teaching oneself a desired behavior (think of monastic life as a good example). But for the last few years, discipline has looked very little like "self"-control in my house. 

My children aren’t teaching themselves how to behave. I have to teach them. It’s my job - and dare I say, my right - as their parent. I have yelled at my children, threatened them, used time-outs, and taken away beloved toys and activities. I have done all these things when I was convinced it was the right thing to do, and when I had no idea what else might work. This idea that we must scare or punish our children to teach them correct behavior has become a fundamental feature of being a “good parent.” And I bought into it without question.

But is it true?

Dr. Tsabary argues no.

“When we engage with our children from the belief that child discipline is a vital aspect of our role as parent, we assume children are inherently undisciplined and need to be civilized. Without every really thinking it through, we’ve bought into the belief that without discipline, children run wild. We interpret all their misbehavior through this lens.”

Maybe we’re giving our kids too little credit. Dr. Tsabary believes that using discipline is detrimental to the very behavior parents are so desperately trying to teach. And she also knows that suggesting this to any parent will most likely follow with the question, “But how will my children learn if I don’t discipline them?”

If you have children, think about how you usually discipline your child when they are having bad behavior. I can think of many situations - maybe the girls were fighting over a toy, said something mean, or acted disrespectfully towards me or their father - and the result was often something being taken away (maybe iPad or computer time the following day) or maybe they were sent to their room for time-out. From my point of view, this was to teach them that their behavior was wrong, and that they shouldn’t have that kind of behavior anymore. But Dr. Tsabary argues that this type of discipline and real teaching are worlds apart.

“To illustrate this, think back to how you felt when you were sent to your room, your favorite television program was turned off, you were grounded so you couldn’t see your friends, your phone was taken from you, you were yelled at or you were spanked. Did you feel good? Did it become natural for you to do what it [the discipline] intended to teach you? No, what you learned is, ‘My parents are the boss, so don’t piss them off.’ You likely also learned that your parents treat other adults, work associates, and maybe even pets with more respect than you.”

I can't tell you how often I hear myself speaking to my children, and realize that they are the ONLY people in the world who I talk to that way.... If I were to talk that way to a friend, they probably wouldn't be my friend much longer. If I were to talk that way to my spouse, we'd have some serious marital problems beginning to develop. If I'm honest (and I think many parents feel this way), I feel a sense of power over my children that allows me to talk to them however I please because they really have no option but to take it. These are the moments when I have to remind myself that I don't own my children. They are not my possessions. ....I've just been given guardianship over them for a while.

A rebuttal I often hear to any argument against harsh discipline is that “parents aren’t supposed to be their children’s friends,” and “if it works, then what is wrong with doing it?” 

But here’s the thing: I don’t want to be my child’s friend, but I do want to be their ally. I want them to genuinely know that I want the best for them - that I want to help them succeed. (We could get into a whole other can o’ worms by discussing what “success” really means, but I’ll save that for another day.) I don’t want my children to fear me, because in really difficult situations down the road, I want my children to feel comfortable coming to me for help. I want them to have good behavior, but I want them to choose it because they see the benefits of it emotionally, spiritually, and relationally - not because it’s what they need to do to keep out of trouble. I want us to be a team that works together to figure out the right way forward - even in the most simplistic 5-year-old situations - rather than a mother and daughter who are always at odds with each other for control. 

“Though they may comply with our demands because we force them to do so, internally they develop a resistance not only to what we are asking of them, but even more so to us as the messenger. Their resistance, or at best half-heartedness, intensifies the parent’s need to control, as the parent bears down on the child, believing the stricter they are the more the child with comply. It’s this resistance that becomes emotional plaque, creating barriers to learning, growth, and - most of all - connection between the parent and child.”

So here’s what I want you to consider: If you feel like there are many times where you are at odds with your child - if you ever feel as though there is a power struggle going on between the two of you - do you feel as though it’s absolutely necessary in order to help your child develop into a moral, emotionally intelligent, successful adult? And if there’s a smidgen of doubt, would you be open to a different way of doing things? A way that lessens the tension on both of you? 

My next posts will talk more about our addiction to control, our reactions to our children, and what other tools we have available to teach our children good behavior. I hope you'll follow along!

Yokohama Chinatown

We've been using The Story of the World for a general "world study" curriculum that encompasses history, geography, culture, and social studies. One of the areas we studied that my girls had a particularly enthusiastic interest in was Ancient China. So when we were looking for something to do on a free Sunday, we thought the girls would be excited to visit Yokohama's Chinatown during the Chinese New Year celebrations.

Yokohama is an easy and quick trip from our house (especially compared with Tokyo), taking roughly half an hour and only 1-2 train transfers. Yokohama's Chinatown was established in the mid-1800's because Yokohama's port opened to foreign trade. Many Chinese traders settled in the area, and today, Yokohama's Chinatown is not only the largest Chinatown in Japan, but in all of Asia. The area is one of the most popular tourist areas in Japan, largely due to the amazing selection of food. There are over 200 restaurants within the few blocks making up Chinatown, as well as many food carts and stands where you can sample foods from nearly all regions of China.

We got into Chinatown around noon, so our first order of business was picking a restaurant for lunch. Unfortunately, everyone else in Chinatown had the same plan and most restaurants were covered up! We almost stopped at one, but the woman outside ushering people in and passing out menus showed us that it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. And considering it was going to be a miracle if our kids ate anything, we opted not to spend the money on a buffet. So we finally just stepped into a random restaurant that didn't look too crowded, and had some nice plastic food sitting in the window.

We were seated, and handed menus, and were a tad bit disappointed to find absolutely no English inside the menu. You can't always expect to find English wherever you go, but many restaurants - especially in tourist areas - will often have English on the menu. No such luck here. So we reverted to looking at pictures and trying to pick something that looked good. There were several sets (meals with several plates) in the front of the menu, so we decided on one that looked like it would have plenty for all four of us to split. It was roughly $32.

We motioned to our waitress that we were ready, and we pointed to the set and then tried to explain that we'd all like to share. She started speaking quickly in Japanese (too quick for my poor brain to translate) and when she realized I probably didn't understand her, she took out a pen and paper. She wrote down the price, and then wrote "x2" beside it. I looked at The Hubs with a look that I'm sure expressed my concern.... The waitress must have noticed my confusion/hesitation, and she pointed to another set and wrote the price x2. Ohhhhh.... the prices are per person. And we couldn't split it up.

So we reluctantly ordered two $32 sets, because it seemed like the set most likely to appease our children, and because we really weren't sure we had any other choice.

While my children might look happy in the pictures above, lunch was a bit of a struggle. They brought out one plate at a time, which was great, but everything was so freshly made (again, not necessarily a bad thing) that it was BURNING hot. More than once, one of the girls was in tears because her mouth/lips/tongue had been burnt. And while they gave almost everything a good try, they only liked 1-2 items. Oh, and in the middle of lunch, The Hubs started getting calls from work about a patient and had to step out to answer them. Thankfully, the last items in our set were two bowls of a fruity dessert, and the girls were thrilled to finally have something they really wanted to eat. Do I think the meal was worth the $63.00 we paid? Probably not. But it was definitely another experience to log in our books, and we got to try some new food.

After lunch, we went in search of one of the Chinese temples located in Chinatown. We had no idea where we were going, but when you see a bunch of ornate dragons and gold on the roof of a building, you're pretty sure you're headed in the right direction. That's exactly how we found the temple.

Unfortunately, by the time we got to the front of the temple, The Hubs wasn't feeling so well. He was the last in our family to be attacked by "The Sinus Infection from Hell," and he wasn't quite over it yet. Add that to the interesting dishes we had just eaten for lunch and he was looking pretty rough. The girls wanted to go in the temple, but it was so crowded - and their Daddy was feeling so bad - that we decided to just take a couple of pictures out front before heading back home.

We did stop in a couple of souvenir shops on the way out, and the girls loved all the ornate jewelry, golden Chinese dragons, and fat, happy Buddhas. There is also another, larger, temple in Chinatown and I think we'll probably try to make another trip at some point to walk around a bit more. I'm not sure we'll be eating in Chinatown next time... or if we do, we'll be snacking on food from the carts and stands. At least the girls had a good time experiencing a little piece of China. I think a trip to the real China might be in order before we move back to the states....

Loving them through it.

"No, we are not going to have popsicles right now."

Excessive whining.

"If you keep whining and having that behavior, you're not going to be able to do computer today."

She throws herself on the floor and starts to whine again.

"Okay. You just lost your computer time for the day."

My 4-year-old starts crying and rushes to her room, slamming the door behind her. Then I hear her open it back up, take a step out into the hall, and say, "I hate you, Mom! You're stupid! I hate my stupid Mom! I don't love my stupid, stupid Mom anymore!!"

Part of me couldn't help but laugh (quietly in the kitchen, so she didn't hear or see me) at the drama of it all. But part of me had my feelings hurt a little bit. I don't think hearing your child say, "I hate you" will ever get easier. 

My 4-year-old is my spirited, fiery, passionate daughter. And she's been a challenge to parent. She pushes all your buttons, and fights back when she feels she's been wronged. She tests every limit you give her. And at times, I have felt clueless about how to handle her.

So lately, my parenting motto has simply been to love her through it.

She will often run to her room when she's upset. And if anyone tries to go in, she yells at them and says she needs alone time. Even after she yelled those terrible things at me yesterday, I didn't run back there to spank her, or yell at her, or get onto her about her bad behavior. I let her be. 

After about 10 minutes of screaming and crying, her door opened again and I prepared myself for the next assault. But to my surprise, she said, "I'm sorry for whining and yelling, Mom! I'm so, so, so sorry!" And she closed the door again. When it sounded like she had quit crying, I quietly walked back to her room and gently knocked on the door.

When she opened it, I held up my arms and asked if she needed a hug. She broke into tears again and rushed into my arms. I picked her up, just hugging her for a minute, and then sat down with her on my bed. I told her that she had really hurt my feelings for saying those things, and she teared up as she apologized again. I reassured her that I loved her no matter what - when she's angry, when she has bad behavior, when she's good, and when she has good behavior. 

Then we talked for a minute about why she had gotten in trouble in the first place. The poor girl told me that it was too hard for her to quit whining, and that she just couldn't stop. So I reassured her that I would help her learn to quit, and that her Daddy and I would always be there to help her learn better behavior. Then we hugged again, she told me how much she loved me, and asked if she could just sit with me for a few minutes. 

She wasn't in a fabulous mood after that, but our day started to return to normal.

I am not a parenting guru, and I daily feel like I'm searching for the answers to the next parenting dilemma. But what most of my parenting decisions come back to is the very simple desire for my children to feel loved and accepted, unconditionally. 

Sure, my daughter will probably have a similar outburst in the near future. I haven't "solved" that problem for her. But when she's having those overwhelming emotions - anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment - I want her to learn these things:

• That the things she says and does will have natural consequences. People will not want to be around her if she is being mean to them (being sent to her room when she wants to yell). She will hurt people's feelings (admitting to her that she hurt mine). Once she has calmed down, she almost always feels bad about these things, and apologizes. 
• That the feelings will pass. Ignoring those feelings, covering them up, or demanding that they go away (don't we, as parents, often demand this from our kids?) won't work very well. It's okay to feel them and to give yourself some space to process them. It's not our feelings, but our behaviors that we have the most control over.
• That she should not be afraid of her father and I. We are not there to punish, shame, belittle, or judge her. If she's not afraid of our response, I hope she'll be more likely to come to us when she is having trouble navigating a tough situation. We will always be on her side. 
• That no matter what, her father and I will love her. We are human too, and we make our own mistakes. Her behavior has no effect on her worth, or her right to be loved. I may not stick around if she wants to yell at me, but I'll be waiting with a hug when she's ready to make amends. 

When I fight back against my daughter, when I try to prove that I know best (and that, by God, she'll do what I say because I'm bigger than her), its usually more difficult and more exhausting for us to come back together, reconnect, and find peace again. 

But when I give her some space - when I stop trying to control - and I love her through it, the situation diffuses more easily. We reconnect, we hug, we tell each other we love each other, and our day resumes. Our goal as parents should not be to control our children's behavior, because we won't always be around to do that for them. Our goal should be to help them learn to control themselves. And most importantly, to learn that their parents will always be a place from which to draw strength, wisdom, and love.

So if you're feeling overwhelmed and don't know what to do, try loving them through it. It will be easier on both of you.

My areas of focus for 2014

January is almost over and I've had some time to settle into the new year and think about how I'd like for it to evolve. Instead of making a ginormous list of resolutions or goals, I've just been thinking about large umbrella ideas that I could try to keep my focus on throughout the year.  These areas of focus will not have specific outcomes because I tend to do one of two things when I have a specific outcome in mind: a) I overshoot and make it impossible to achieve, or b) I don't achieve it and beat myself up. So, I will pay attention to the process this year, being mindful of the things I can do daily, weekly, monthly to move in a more intentional direction.

So without further ado, here are my areas of focus for 2014:

1. My marriage. 

Our marriage is in the best shape it's ever been, but I feel like we've been lucky in getting here. Sometimes I feel as though we're kind of coasting along, enjoying the ride. I want to cultivate a thriving marriage, not just a good one. We need to have more date nights, date days, and date weekends. And I'd like for us to do more than go to a movie. We live in Japan! Surely there's some exploring we could do together.

I'd also like to read Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages," as well as John Gottman's "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." I've heard a lot about these books, but never picked them up. So this year, they're on my list.

2. Self-care.

I'm turning 29 in May. And though I've still got another year until I hit the big 3-0, I have noticed my body changing a bit. It's becoming easier to put on a few pounds, and more difficult to get them back off. And I'm terrible at taking care of myself, really. I don't take off my makeup every night, don't use sunscreen or moisturizer every day, and am more out of shape than I've ever been in my life. Those things have got to change.

I'd like to work on creating better self-care habits this year - more exercise, better skincare, healthier eating. And I am also including things like "time to read," and "quiet-before-everyone-else-gets-up morning time." I don't want to just care for my body, but also my soul.

3. Writing & Blogging.

See that "blogspot.com" up there on my address? I'm tempted to get rid of it. I'm also tempted to switch to Wordpress. Blogging has been so enjoyable to me, and I'd like to put a little more work into it this year. I want to educate myself more about the internet, blogging, social media, and writing.

4. A Mindful Lifestyle.

There are so many things to be mindful of! Money - where we're spending it, how we could save more, and how to budget. Homeschooling - our priorities, a well-working routine and schedule, the clues from our children about how and what they want to learn. Relationships - with each other, friends, and family. Spirituality - enough said.

If I tried to list each and every idea I have for improving these areas of focus, this list would be waaaaay too long. So I'm keeping it simple. I'm going to hang these areas of focus somewhere that will be visible to me almost every day so that I can be reminded about where I want to be headed this year.

What are your goals, resolutions, or areas of focus this year? 

Reflections on 2013

Every year, I try to fill out (and post) these questions from Tsh at The Art of Simple. It's a great way to take a few minutes to reflect on the last year. This year was filled with a lot of good things for our family, and I'm very thankful for that. I hope that your 2013 was filled with more joy than sadness, and I hope that 2014 is even better. 

Thanks for being part of this space with me this past year. I enjoy writing and really appreciate your feedback and comments. I hope you'll decide to stick around in 2014. Who knows what it will bring. Happy New Year everyone!

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Wow. Single best thing? I’m not sure that I can pick one. Both of my parents were able to come visit us in Japan, I made some good friends, I went to Bali, Indonesia (!!), my first niece was born, and my in-laws came to Japan for Christmas. There were just so many blessings this year.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

The most challenging thing for me this year was… well… there were two things. It was very challenging to experience deployments this year. Luckily for me, my husband doesn’t have to be gone nearly as long as others, but parenting solo is definitely challenging no matter the length of time. The other challenging thing for me and my family this year was the deteroriation of my youngest sister’s mental health. She received a more severe diagnosis, went into the hospital, and it became obvious that she needed new living arrangements. It was a big transition for her. 

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

Realizing that despite my husband being deployed a couple of times, our marriage is better than ever. We haven’t necessarily been working hard on our marriage (at least it doesn’t seem like it), but we have just settled into a really, really nice place with each other. 

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Finding out that my oldest daughter most likely has a gluten-intolerance. It’s been frustrating to not have clear answers and to see her so uncomfortable at times. It’s also been very challenging to reexamine and tweak her diet.

5. Pick three words to describe this past year.

Awakened. I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself better this year, and I hope to continue the trend. It feels good to be comfortable with who I am.

Joy-filled. We have just had such a good year filled with family and friends. The good definitely outweighed the bad.

Challenging. In a good way. I have felt challenged to stick with what I believe in, and to be confident in my decisions - in parenting, in spiritual matters, in homeschooling…. and through the challenges, I think I’ve come out feeling more authentic.

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your year (without asking them!).

Fulfilling. I have struggled the last few years with finding fulfillment in the season of life I find myself in - immersed in child-rearing. This year I have felt more fulfilled than ever. 

Exciting. Being in Japan, traveling to Bali… we’ve done some great stuff this year.

Gratifying. We paid off our debt this year, and have finally been able to save for things we want, like new cars when we move back to the states, and travel. 

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their year - again, without asking.

Challenging. Again, in a good way. My husband has a job that is much different from most other positions he could have been offered. There’s a lot of administrative Naval duties rather than just practicing medicine. I think he’s enjoyed it, even though it’s been a challenging at times.

Rewarding. Because of the challenges of my husband’s job, he’s worked hard to go above and beyond. He’s earned some special qualifications this year, and has found his niche among the ships and commands. 

Also exciting. My husband has been to Korea, Guam, the Philippines, Singapore, Malaysia, Okinawa, and India. Wow.

8. What were the best books you read this year?

“Love Wins” by Rob Bell

“A Course in Miracles” by Marianne Williamson

“One World Schoolhouse” by Salman Khan

“Memoirs of a Geisha”  by Arthur Golden

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

My husband, first and foremost. My children, obviously, because they are my greatest teachers. Family, friends… they are all valuable.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

Opening up a space online to share and grow my personal spiritual development. Finally.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I became a bit more confident in myself and the decisions I make. I also got a bit better at observing my thoughts instead of being taken hostage by them.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

I feel like I’m just beginning to learn the essence of what God is, after many years of searching.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

Oh lord. I got bigger? This is an area that I have GOT to devote some attention to in 2014.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

I think I did a tad bit better at loving others this year, and of listening to them - REALLY listening. But I still have a long way to go.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Watching my children learn new things and discover new places. Their excitement is contagious!

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Trusting that I’m doing a good job. I find myself comparing myself and my children to others who are seemingly doing things the “right” way. 

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Facebook. Hands down.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Practicing Zazen at a local Buddhist temple.

19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?

My life’s curriculum was planned specifically for me. So whatever circumstance I find myself in, I can find comfort in knowing that things are exactly as they should be.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes this past year for you.

Live in authenticity.

Miyajima Island

On our second day in Hiroshima, we traveled to Miyajima Island, home of Itsukushima shrine, Mount Misen, Momijidani Park, and numerous shrines and temples. This island is supposedly the home of one of the three best views in all of Japan. To get there, we had to take a 30-40 minute ride on the streetcars, and then a 5-10 minute ferry ride out to the island. 

The island of Miyajima has been considered a holy place for most of Japanese history. Mount Misen was established as a holy Buddhist site in 806 - yes, YEAR EIGHT-HUNDRED AND SIX - and it has long been preserved as a special part Japanese history and nature. 

We bumped into some Samurai on the way.

The first thing we did when we set foot upon the island was to head over to Itsukushima shrine, another UNESCO World Heritage site. "The shrine has been destroyed many times, but the first shrine buildings were probably erected in the 6th century. The present shrine dates from the mid-16th century, and is believed to follow an earlier design from the 12th century. That design was established in 1168, when funds were provided by the warlord Taira no Kiyomori" (Wikipedia). The shrine was built on stilts above the water so that ordinary people could visit the island without "defiling" the island with their footprints upon its land.

One of the defining images of Miyajima island is the torii gate out in the water, separating the ordinary world from the sacred space of Istukushima shrine. Oh, and you'll also find deer wandering the island of Miyajima. They are used to people... a little too used to people... so you need to be careful if you're walking around with any food in your hands, pockets, or bags.

The famous torii in the water.

The purifying fountain at the entrance to Itsukushima. My girls know just what to do.

Walking into the shrine.

Some sort of blessing ceremony going on inside.

After leaving the shrine, we headed up to Miyajima's Five-Story Pagoda. It was built in 1407 with Chinese techniques brought over with Zen Buddhism. It is a bright orange color and impossible to miss.

For lunch, we stopped at a stand for yakitori (chicken on a stick), as well as beef, pork, corn, and french fries. It was DELICIOUS. After eating (and protecting our food from the deer), we followed signs for Mt. Misen and the ropeway. Now, you could walk the whole way up to the top of Mt. Misen if you wanted to... but if you bought a 1- or 2-day pass, the ropeway is included and is definitely the way to go.

Love the "if you run a little" part. 

Pops said the only way we got him to ride on this thing was because the grandkids wanted him to.

Great views of the primeval forest.

There are two parts to the ropeway, and once you get to the end of of it, there's about 30 more minutes of hiking to the observation tower at the highest point on the island. It was a lot higher than I thought it was. We did not go up to the observation tower because it was pretty cold, and our kids were getting tired of walking. However, we still had some fantastic views from the spots we made it to.

After coming back down the ropeway, we started making our way back to the ferries. On the way back, we walked through Omotesando - the popular shopping street in Miyajima. One of the first shops we stopped in was making Miyajima's famous Momiji Manju, a maple leaf-shaped waffle with various fillings. Not a personal favorite of my own, but my kids liked them.

Miyajima was beautiful, and it was a great day trip during our stay in Hiroshima. I can only imagine what the forest would look like in spring or fall. And after all that hiking and walking on the island, I think we had some of the best sleep we'd had in weeks.