Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I popped open the wine at 4:30pm.

Have I mentioned yet that parenting is hard? This is what my day was like.

4:00am - Got out of bed when my husband left for work. Checked emails, read blogs, watched last night's episode of The Bachelor... my day is starting off well.

5:17am - Thing 1 gets up and comes to find me (she had appeared in my bed sometime in the middle of the night) and I tell her to go back to sleep. I lay down with her for 5 minutes and she's asleep again.

6:15am - Thing 2 wakes up and I turn on PBS for her while I make pancakes for breakfast. Thing 1 gets up just a few minutes later.

7:00am - I turn on the morning news while the girls eat their breakfast. I check on my schedule/to-do list for the day.

7:30am - Get the girls dressed and read to go to the gym in a little while. They are getting out some toys and playing well together.

8:30am - Toys are ALL OVER my house and we need to leave for the gym. I tell the girls that we'll have to clean up when we get home and that they won't be watching any other shows today until the toys are picked up.

9:00am - 10:30am - My only alone time of the day. Watched Pirates of the Caribbean while walking on the treadmill.

10:30am - We arrive back home and I get the girls out of the car, telling them to go inside. Thing 2 stops beside the car and puts her head down in a defiant "no." After telling her to go inside two more times, I walk inside with the other child and close the door. Then, I sneakily watch Thing 2 from the garage window. She stands still, with her head down and bearing a mean face for a full 3 minutes. I finally go out, give her a stern talking-to and bring her inside. Oy. I tell them to pick up their toys and they can watch a show before lunch.

11:30am - Lunch happens. But the entire house is still a mess. No shows.

12:00pm - 2:00pm - Thing 2 takes a nap and Thing 1 cries about everything she can't do right (she was getting frustrated with toys).

2:30pm - I ask the girls to clean up and offer an enticing Max & Ruby DVD as a reward.

3:00pm - Still no cleaning. Toys are everywhere. And Thing 2 keeps stabbing me in the side with a kid-size rolling pin, yelling, "MWA HA HA!"

4:15pm - I decree that any toys still on the floor in 30 minutes will go into a giant trash bag and will be held until tomorrow night. Thing 1 tells me that it's "going to be a lot of work and she needs a grown-up to do it." Ha. Life isn't fair, kid.

4:30pm - Not even half of the house has been picked up. I pour myself a glass of wine and go get a trash-bag. Wailing and gnashing of teeth ensues as I toss literally HALF of my kids' toys into the garbage bag and stash it in my closet.

My glass of wine was desperately needed.

Thing 1 then asks me if she can watch a show now that her toys are cleaned up. Um.... no, kid. Cue more wailing and gnashing of teeth.

5:30pm - The husband finally gets home and because we're both so tired, we turn on Max & Ruby and the girls squeal with excitement. Dinner and another glass of wine later, here am I am typing this up while my girls play quietly.

Don't judge me for my early glass of wine. Or for putting my kids' toys into a garbage bag (I saw it on Super Nanny!). Parenting is hard. And tiring. And kids are waaaaay smarter than you give them credit for. Right now, we're in a daily battle of wills. You think that YOU, the parent, will always have the upper-hand.... until it's been 8 hours since you asked the kids to pick up and you're so tired of it that you go ahead and pick it all up because you, of course, can do it so quickly. Then, as you're putting that final toy on the shelf, you turn around and see your 3-year-old eyeing you and saying to herself, "Ha! Wrapped around my finger...."

D'oh! Dammit.

But tonight, as I strain to close my closet door against the giant bag of toys hidden inside, I know that today, TODAY, my sweet little child, I WON. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


  1. We are having a HUGE problem with Noah not cleaning up his toys right now. A glass of wine and a trash bag should fix things right up!

  2. My Mom once bagged up all my toys when I didn't pick them up the first time she asked.... the point was well taken. I still pick up my toys in a timely manner :)